I saw my ex the other day. He wasn't just my ex though; he was someone I adored, idolized, and could see spending the rest of my days with.
I've known him since childhood. Our families go way back, and I enjoyed the security and deep bond of being with a dear friend. We were like two peas in a pod.
I think that is the reason I fell so hard for him; and why I was so devastated when he decided to leave one day out of the blue.
For a solid year, maybe more, I held onto the hurt of our breakup and secretly hoped that we would get back together and make things work.
I prayed for him, supported him in every way that I could, and put up one hell of a fight hoping one day he'd find his way back to me.
But, he never did.
Days came and went, and for what seemed like an eternity, I begged and pleaded that God would take him off my heart and help me let go. I was desperate for healing - for closure.
The days marched on, and slowly but surely, I started fighting for my own peace and healing.
I can't tell you when I stopped loving this person, but much to my surprise when I bumped into him the other day I felt NOTHING.
He went from being somebody I loved as a friend, and cherished as a lover, to merely an acquaintance. I felt like I barely knew him, and every ounce of chemistry and physical attraction was gone.
He called me yesterday. He asked to see me again and "catch up" over dinner. At that moment, I experienced how good it felt to politely decline and wish him the best.
Not because I wanted to be spiteful or hurt him, but because I realized the beauty in answered (and unanswered) prayers.
All of the desperate cries that went up to Heaven, all the heartbreak and false hope was finally over. At last, I had moved on, taking my love and loyalty with me.
Still, a part of me couldn't help but feel a little down as I hung up the phone. But, the heaviness in my heart wasn't for me; it was for him.
The part of me that will always care for that rough and rowdy boy I grew up knowing, couldn't help but feel sad that he lost something so precious and rare in this world— a woman who would have loved him unconditionally, with all her heart, without end if only he would have let her.
I pray he finds it again, and when he does, he never lets it go.
As for me, I have discovered the power of God's grace and healing. Now I understand the beauty of feeling so little after feeling so much.